Friday, March 31, 2006

Neil's Drawing

he's gonna draw a simple car, show it to me and then he'll "pimp" his drawing... we've been watching too much Pimp my Ride lately....


Blast froM thE PasT

where are you now peps?








Thursday, March 30, 2006

Little Johnny: Lovely story

(don't have time for yakking today... so, let's have another joke...)

Little Johnny was at school when the teacher asked the class to come up with a sentence or a story containing the word "Lovely".

Well, Little Johnny was waving his hand in the air frantically. The teacher decided not to ask Little Johnny and picked Alice. Alice got up and said, "Today, it is sunny outside and the children are playing outside. What a lovely day!"

The teacher again did not want to ask Little Johnny who was still waving his hand in the air frantically. The teacher picked Billy to tell his story. Billy got up and said, "I went to my sisters wedding last week. The church was decorated with flowers and ribbons. Everyone remarked that the bride and groom made a lovely couple."

By this time the teacher decided to ask Little Johnny since she could not think of anything he could say wrong with the word "lovely" in the story. Little Johnny stood up and told his story. "The other day I was sitting at the dining room table with my family. My sister spoke up and told my dad that she had a new boyfriend." The teacher thought this was great, Little Johnny had not said anything offensive so she made him continue.

Little Johnny continued, "She then told my dad that she was pregnant. My dad replied, 'Lovely, just F***en Lovely'."
__________________

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Thirty ways to be offensive at a funeral...

(after my recent experience at a funeral, the ceremonies, rituals, bloopers, etc. finally found a joke about it... had a good laugh with this one...)
_____________________________________________________

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.

Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.

Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.

Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.

Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.

At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.

Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.

Ask the widow to give you a kiss.

Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.

Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.

Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.

Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.

Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.

Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.

Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood.

Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.

Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.

Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.

Take up a collection to pay off the deceased' gambling debts.

Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.

Put crazy Glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's last kiss.

Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.

If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.

When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth.

Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.

At the cemetery take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.

Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.

Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.

Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes.

Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

PaniC AttacK

i haven't been going out lately... it's been home - work and vice versa. so, i'm running out of stories to tell. it was actually after our beach escapade last sunday, when i had trouble sleeping at night. i decided to stay away from my edgy night time entertainment journey... t'was like, i was on the verge of dozing-off when weird picture flashes thru my brain... i get-up and try to sleep again... and it happens again! two nights in a row was like hell...

everything has been edgy with my life right now... the detail's such a turn-off... i try not to think about it. block, delete, erased, zip....

... but i got to face the music or it'll be like vicious cycle... messy.

me.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

BeacH

no, i didn't go to beach roots bar. for a change, we went to the beach, instead. "it's payback time for the family cio, let's hit the beach!" sarsy told me two weeks ago. an invitation i could not have refused had it been made earlier, but we were on our way to the mall with our "church vesture." (just got that word right now - in this very moment). so yesterday, we finally had a go.

it's been a while now that i have been pre-occupied with work and beach roots... hardly have time for family. not to mention, just recently, my work's got "promoted." meaning more work, same pay (or should i say, less). i'm supposed to be handling work with only one dealership but thanks to my excellent and good "kiss-ass" rapport with the people of the agencies i deal, i took over the job of one fatso liaison from one of our sister company (whom i'd love to kick his a$$ for; leaving me more problems than i already have) and more work for our two branches elsewhere. been crazy lately.

finally, after five months of beach deprived existence, i'm back to the place i love. nothing fancy. no island hopping, jet skiing, scuba diving or parasailing. not even snorkeling. beach, plain as day... i'm glad to know, after months off the beach, i still have that swimming skills i learn in college. i was short of breath though... haven't been to ccsc for eons.

cool..... but videoke-laden beach! i bet the owner earns more from videokes than the rentals. the booze me and sarsy brought along made up for the "not so great" resort.

can't wait for the lent holidays.... just don't know where to go yet.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

preoccupation

it would have been a continuation
of my "ordeal" story
but today
i'm soooo tired
i had a lot of things done
that's the good part

but -- i'm beat!
yet, there's still plenty
of things to do
work sucks!

i could use
a really nice massage
but i just wanna go home
put my feet up
chill and maybe detox

i just wanted
to open my mouth
and breathe
taking it all in
then letting it out

need to feel better soon
coz there's a lot
of work waiting

this is pointless.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

hey, need a lift?

TOAD THE WET SPROCKET - "Listen"

Well I wonder do we learn
Seems we're making the same wrong turn
Call you sacred call you obscene
Call you faithless call you anything

Call and you listen
Listen
Listen
Listen

So I'm a liar so it seems
My desire could justify anything
So is there nothing that lies in between
This cold silence and a scream

Scream listen
Listen
Listen
Listen

Caught in headlines
We are frozen
Cannot hide

There's no break
No time
If you can
I might

Listen

Call and you listen
Listen
Listen
Listen

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

the ordeal 01

my apologies to some people who may have felt slighted by my insensitive comments yesterday... duh!

so, finally, it's over. the excruciating ordeal was done. my lenten sacrifice - check. i finally know how it feels to be driving behind the funeral car... how to run the vehicle in super-slow-motion. it's like this: put it on first gear, don't step on the gas just release the clutch every now and then, break just a little bit (you don't wanna crash into another car), don't stop even if it's a red light, stay on the line even if PUJ's and other vehicles are losing patience with the crawling funeral procession and are itching to overtake on the left side only to find out that there's a lot of approaching vehicle just the same... at least, i managed to put a smile on, thinking how stupid they are driving themselves into a trap.

the heat was just as intense. i mean, almost everyday for the last few months, it was raining or something but yesterday was torture. the aircon, incapable of functioning to the fullest made my sacrifice more meaningful.... now, my conscience would feel better come lent... holding that freakin' cold beer.

i thought after arriving the cemetery(duh!!), the ordeal will be over. but they still have few tricks up their sleeve!

to be continued....

Some driving humor

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too s--t faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a d--khead all day long.

Letter of Recommendation

While working with Mr. Santos, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without idling or
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He is always deeply
engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Santos should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to administration be
sent away as soon as possible.



Sd/- Branch Manager
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A second note following the report:

MR. SANTOS WAS PRESENT WHEN I WAS WRITING THE REPORT MAILED TO YOU TODAY. KINDLY READ ONLY THE ALTERNATIVE LINES 1,3,5,7,9,11,13 FOR MY TRUE ASSESSMENT OF HIM.

REGARDS,



Sd/- Branch Manager

Monday, March 20, 2006

bury a bone

while driving home last night, i thought about the things that are gonna happen today. well, my wife "imposed" on me to do the driving on our way to the cemetery... damn, i hate typing that word... my wife's such an old school!! three places i hate: hospital, funeral parlor and of course, you've read it...

is it really necessary to do all these ceremonies i'm about to immerse myself into? go to the mass (i'm not catholic), walk from the church all the way to the... ah! cemetery???! said it again! were young, the generation x people... open/broad-minded, liberated kind. why all the trouble? our modern world calls for practicality. and oh, can't we have a little consideration with others? you know, the traffic. i don't know about people of my age but when it comes to these places (the three mentioned), i'm very, very anti-social.

can't we change it? i mean, with all the rituals we have to go through, we really can't change the destiny of the dead... why don't we just bury them after death or cremate? it's much cheaper. we don't have to go to the bleeep (i bet you know what) during all saints/souls day... save us a lot of trouble, right???

i wish it's tomorrow already; at least i'm done doin' b.s. today.

my two cents.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Neil's unadulterated moments...

this boy now has an email add, a friendster and soon a weblog... hehehe! keep it up neil! watch out for him on tv and in those huge billboards... coming soon! ü






ThE BraWL

it was a fun night turn into a brawl. names won't be mentioned inorder to protect the identity of the 'vics' (CSI's abb. for victims, you know..). me included. ü

i wasn't planning in going there last night since i was there last friday. went anyway after reading some mails at the office, down a cup of coffe and dropping by a wake, it was all systems go. my mind was all psych-up for the fun waiting at Bleeeeep (if you've been my fan, you'd know). and fun it was, at least for a few hours... 20:30 on my watch, arrived and saw my old buddy with his office friends. damn, these guys/gals are so engrossed with their cellphone! must be bored. a few sml's and my mouth's starting to kick-in... i thought i should do all the talking coz they seem to be bored talking to each other (they're officemates, what's new?).

my "old" friend whose career started from being a call agent to one of the biggest, huge and successful call center in cebu, if not the world (do i get some incentives here, dex? i'm promoting your call center... what's the what??? shoot, i just mention his name! ah nevermind), is now a supervisor! yes people he is now a certified, bonafied, petrified, mortified and glorified "mama sang!" hihihihi!! joke3x. he's in-charge of recruitment. advertisements, interviews, hirings, earns a hundred grand a month... the works, you know... are you with me??

i've been enticed by him (admit it paker), to join his dominion of linguistic proficient agents. maybe you? with all the advertisements we're getting about call centers, how nice they look - at those pictures on billboards... ahhh, the allure of a call center agent these days.

back to our main topic which is the brawl last night. (whew! do i hear you say, "enough with the b.s.!", "let's get it on!"??) so, there we are, talking how it is to be call center agent, that it is such a challenging task. imagine talking to some morons and getting over that survey and make sure it's "complete" and how important it is to answer the phone every three seconds... kewl huh? not only that, they also have to press a button if they wanna pass-up for a while because their throat had not receive ample supply of saliva for the last eight hours, and they just wanna say to that last guy surveyed, "you suck! you have bad breath and bad english! are you from the philippines??!! f--k you very much!" not to mention, they also need to converse within the confines of the office in english or you will be fined... otherwise, their supervisors will know they did not follow proper procedures and somebody's gonna get fayerd!

tell me, wasn't that fun and great conversation??

i also had a lot of chit-chat in between our "tribute" to that closed department store with my best-bud and jon "the licker" (coz he's got funny ways of playing with his tongue). well, my best-bud told me about an unfortunate incident the other night of which i wasn't privy to. in fact we weren't. our partners were. i was hoping the guys who were offended won't make mountains out of a mole hill of that incident. our partners were drunk and were fed-up with all the talks and gossips going around.... they were itchin' to crack... boooom!!

to make this already thrilling and chilling story a bit shorter, the employer of that guy our partner challenged to a fist-fight last friday, approached me, apparently loaded, not with guns but alcohol, and ask me what's the story. i told him my best-bud was here that night and i wasn't, talk to him. two people, with alcohol running down their veins, it was just a matter of time and disaster waiting to happen... then, it became a heated exchange of filthy words. i knew it was trouble when he approached me so i stand-up, went where they are and acted as back-up. then this guy, who seem to have no business at all, butt-in and started to further heat things up. man, i would love lynching the face of that guy... his face spells trouble.... there was yelling and shoving and punches were thrown... what a night! and what a shame!

i don't know about you but i hate reading long stories... kidding aside, we settled some issues later but this is not the end of it, i'm sure. you want details? you know the drill....

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Amusing

[i know i made a lot mistakes with my spelling and grammar but if you can forgive the person who wrote below, me, how much more?? üüü]


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg .The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the
wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was
ipmorantt!

Friday, March 17, 2006

friendster frenzy

i am in "add as friend" mania at friendster. if you happened to be one of my victims, please stay calm. consider yourselves fortunate for i have seen something peculiar about you that interest me.

however, even if i expect you to accept my friendship arms-wide-open, some of you will reject me. i accept rejections like a man. however, there are times, due to lack of proper and right medication, i could be wild and violent with my reaction.

thus, i implore you, please accept my friendship for i am a man of peace. the last time i committed murder was two weeks ago and i have been sober eversince. thank you for your kindness.

peace ♥

Thursday, March 16, 2006

My Pads

another day, another story to tell. my muscles are aching. thanks to that "wall to wall" workout i had yesterday. i love the pain. it simply means, i push myself really hard. i needed that anyway.

last night, while i was listening to mp3's on my pc, i remember downloading some "oldies" music. played it. man, i remember my dad. now, i really miss my dad. my recollection of him when he was still around just came alive again. he would sit on his favorite chair and listen to those musics i played last night. all of a sudden, my eyes were in tears... i did not cry when my bro-in-law died recently nor was even closed to tears but with that old music, it was like yesterday again... during my elementary days... he would listen to his favorite music with our phono turntable player, downstairs in our sala, sit on a nice chair with his favorite beer on the table. i remembered the days me and my bro tag along wherever he goes... at the customs, pier, cockfight arena, his friends' house.... fetch us after school. too old to be crying like a baby but.... can't stop it. i recall asking God why He took my dad so early. what could have happened to us if he were alive today...

sigh. i'll never know the answer. but one thing i do know, me and my siblings learn a lot from that experience. that there are two sides to everything. that every cloud has a silver lining, that hardships do make you strong and better person. my sister became a strong-willed woman and her faith in God is quite contagious. i drew a lot of strength from her. my younger bro, we're proud of what he's accomplished. most of the things he endeavored in life, for as long as he puts his mind into it, he succeeded. as for me, i can't tell. i can't measure my success but considering what i've went through (you have no idea), i'm just happy and thankful where i am now.

it would have been great if our lives would be like those fantasy books we read during grade school... live happily ever after.... but we live in a real world and in this life, nothing's perfect.

well, that's my little epiphany.

Pirates of the Carribean II

(got this from another blog who grab it from the manila standard site... let's talk about politics, shall we?)

From www.manilastandardtoday.com

Lowdown
column by Jojo Robles
Friday, March 03, 2006

A different view From a reader, who refuses to be identified, comes this compelling e-mail. It presents a fresh viewpoint on the current situation and deserves to see print:

Dear Tita Cory, senators, congressmen, businessmen, media people, leftists, and all bleeding hearts out there, I am angry. And I know that there are many out there who are angrier than I am for the same reason. And that reason is simple. I am sick and tired of all you guys claiming to speak for me and many Filipinos.

I feel like screaming every time you mouth words about fighting for my freedom and my rights, when you obviously are just thinking about yours. You tell me that the essence of democracy is providing every citizen the right to speak his or her mind and make his or her own informed judgments, but you yourselves do not respect my silence and the choices I and many others have made. In other words, your concept of democracy is limited to having your rights and your freedoms respected, at the expense of ours.

I am utterly flabbergasted that you still do not get it: we already responded to your calls, and our response has been very clear —we chose not to heed your calls to go to Edsa or to Fort Bonifacio not because we do not love our country or our freedoms or our rights, but precisely because we love our country even more. Because quite frankly, we are prepared to lose our freedoms and our rights just to move this country forward. You may think that is not correct, you can tell me all the dire warnings about the evils of authoritarian rule, but quite frankly all we see is your pathetic efforts to prop up your cause. You tell me that you are simply protecting my freedoms and my rights, but who told you to do that? I assure you that when I feel that my rights and my freedoms are at a peril, I will stand up and fight for them myself.

You tell us that GMA is not the right person to lead this country because she has done immoral acts. As someone who sees immorality being committed wantonly in many ways every day and by everyone (yes, including you), I may have become jaded. But you have not been able to offer me any viable alternative, while GMA has bent over backwards many times to accommodate you while continuing to work hard despite all the obstacles and the brickbats you have thrown her way. From where I sit, she is the one who has been working really hard to move this country forward while all of you have been so busy with one and only one thing: to make sure she does not succeed. So forgive me if I do not want to join you in your moral pissing contest. Forgive me if I have chosen to see things from another perspective.

You say she is the problem. I say, we are the problem; more to the point, I think you are a bigger problem than she is. Taking her out may solve part of the problem, but that leaves us with a bigger problem: you. That is right, you!

While I felt outraged that she called a Comelec official during the elections and that she may have rigged the elections, I have since then taken the higher moral ground and forgiven her. Yes, my dear bishops, I have done what you have told me to do since I was a child, which you say is the Christian and moral thing to do: forgive. Especially since she has asked for forgiveness and has tried to make amends for it. Erap certainly has not apologized and continues to be defiant, continuing to insult us every day with his protestations. Cory has not apologized for her incompetence but we have forgiven her just the same because like GMA, she has worked hard, after all.

I know you think that GMA’s apology was not enough, or that she was insincere, or that that apology should not be the end of it, but please spare me the hypocrisy of telling me that you do so for the sake of protecting the moral fiber of society. The real reason is because you smell blood and want to go for the kill.

Well, I have news for you. I do not like her, too. I did not even vote for her. I voted for Raul Roco. But as much as I do not like her, I do not like you even more. I may not trust her, but guess what: I do not trust you even more.

You know why? Because all you do is whine and sabotage this country. You belittle every little progress we make; conveniently forgetting that it is not just GMA who has been working so hard to achieve them.

Every single day, we keep the faith burning in our hearts that this country will finally pull itself out of the mess and we work so hard to do that. Every little progress is the result of our collective effort, we who toil hard every day in our jobs. Yet, you persist in one and only thing: making GMA look bad in the eyes of the world and making sure that this country continues to suffer to prove your sorry point. In the process, you continue to destroy what we painstakingly try to build. So please do not be surprised that I do not share your cause. Do not be surprised that we have become contemptuous of your antics. You have moved heaven and earth to destroy her credibility, you have convened all kinds of fora and hearings and all you have done is test our patience to the core. For all your effort, you have only succeeded in dragging us further down. I say enough.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not asking that we take immorality lying down, or that we let the President get away with anything illegal. But you have tried to prove your accusations all this time and you have not succeeded, so it is time to let things be. Besides, you are doing something immoral as well if not utterly unforgivable. The Magdalo soldiers are consorting with the communists—the same people who have been trying to kill democracy for years. Cory has been consorting with Erap and the Marcoses.

So please wake up and take a reality check. In the absence of true and genuine moral leadership, many of us have decided to cast our lot with the President, even if we do not like her. A flawed leader is better than scheming power-hungry fools who cannot even stand up for their convictions in the face of an impending arrest.

Your coup attempts and the denials that you have consequently made only underscored what we think is true: you are spineless and unreliable people whose only defense is to cry suppression when your ruse does not work. You are like bullies who taunt and provoke, but cry oppression when taken to task for your cruelty.

I would have respected you if you took the consequences of your actions like real heroes: calmly and responsibly instead of kicking and screaming and making lame excuses. You say you are willing to die for us, that you do all these things for the country and the Filipino, but you are not even willing to go to jail for us.

Come on, you really think we believe that you did not want to bring down the government when that is the one and only thing you have been trying to do in the last many months?

We love this country and we want peace and progress. Many among us do not give a f—k who sits at Malacañang because we will work hard and do our share to make things work. If you only do your jobs, the ones that we elected you to do, things would be a lot simpler and easier for every one.

The events during the weekend only proved one thing. You are more dangerous and a serious threat to this country than GMA is. We have seen what you are capable of doing—you are ready to burn this country and reduce everything to ashes just to prove your point. If there is something that we need protection from, it is protection from you.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

surfin' the www

i've been browsing through the web - blogs, news, almost everything that caught my attention. click. having the net was good as gold for me. most of the information you and i need are be found in the net. you don't need to be a tech•ie savvy to learn the ropes, just a little more than curiousity. fun, isn't it?

but... it can be utterly time-consuming. "time flies when you're having fun" NU107 radio filler says that all the time.... i know for a fact that playing chess is such a waste of time... nay, "time-eaters"(unless you're in a tourney that use timers). mister chess-moso; don't write me up.

so, what's the difference between web surfing and playing chess? i bet you know.

well, let's have the similarity - gain more knowledge, time-consuming... blah, blah, blah [can't think of any]

time to work it out. sweat and stop the addiction my friend. coz really, what you're doin' is unproductive and that don't move much of your muscle, chump!

now, where's that tae-bo disk my sista gave me??