2. If it is a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to enquire how I am doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, books, boxes or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training.
5. If you give me more than one job, don't tell me which has priority - I'm psychic!
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go and nothing to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret, because if it gets out it might mean promotion or a pay rise for me!
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to people who are with you. I have no right to know anything.. In the corporate food chain I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to Manager's Hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it is nice to know someone less fortunate. I especially like the one about the bonus cheque your received.
13. Wait until my yearly review and then tell me what my goal should have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating and cost of living increase. I am not here for the money.
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