Calories & Sex

It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until now no one had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research we are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent........................ 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.......................... 8 Calories
With one hand........................... 12 Calories
With your teeth..........................85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection......................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary..................................12 Calories
69 lying down............................78 Calories
69 standing up..........................112 Calories
Wheelbarrow........................... 216 Calories
In the bathtub .........................326 Calories
Italian chandelier.....................912 Calories

ORGASMING:
Real....................................112 Calories
False...................................315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately.................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...........816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are: 20-29 years old...........36 Calories
30-39 years..............................80 Calories
40-49 years.............................124 Calories
50-59 years.............................972 Calories
60-69 years............................2916 Calories
70 and over........................... Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry.............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door....... 1218 Calories
With her husband knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories