rain, rain...

more rain.

no.. not complaining here. not at all.

just, uh, bit bummer when you wanna go out and well, hang out.

your gonna get wet-ty.. if there's such a word.

compared to my brah, Earl who had his time in the middle east to seek greener pasture, and all that pain-in-the-ass story about enduring the heat and not having access to potable water.. (there was water alright, but it's laden with salt... cos them people uses sea water and process it to sorta mimic what we're here enjoying, the precious H2O, which by the way is so abundant that we're literally flooding all over the place!)

i'd rather soak and bathe in the rain.. everyday.

so yeah, if i have to make a choice, i don't mind having more water than otherwise. but you better learn how to swim cos by the looks of things, water from rain isn't exactly going away anytime soon and floods all over our country as well as some parts of the world is like the "IN" thing right now.

in the meantime, as to the job front, well, the year pretty much started with a bang for me. i'm swamped with work again these days!

kinda crazy to be honest. but i gotta keep it together. it's not the best time to snap or crack. basically, it's never an option.

just roll with the punches and hope to come out still in one piece.

hope tomorrow the mini-van is out from the shop. it's been sitting there for four months. wifey was nice enough to really ran it down to its last breath, then got a new one... then, completely left the former to rot in pieces.

how nice, huh?

i can't really do all the &^$* work cos i have tons of things to do myself. she's very dependent of me about these kinda thing ya know, having the vehicle checked-up, repaired, maintenance, etc. and it's really hard to make time when i'm just as swamped with my side of life.. however, when it's stuff that makes her happy or she enjoys doing, she'd gladly go do it or tag along with whatever's making her excited.

hah!

talk about priorities, yeah?

on the lighter side,



kidz just love this!

suicide trend

it's kinda creepy how a number of people had been killing themselves lately.. alarming, to say the least!

the past few weeks, there'd been like a LOT. one killed himself in front of his girlfriend, another took a dive a from the bridge (but lived anyway), a guy stabs his live-in partner before he went to try to kill himself.. both of which he failed miserably to do it all the way.. to top it all, a former defense secretary and armed forces chief of staff shoot himself right on his heart.. cos he can't take the "heat" anymore?!?

and there's plenty of the same i've read or heard that i've lost count of.

some says this folks are pussies.. cos they can't stand the pressure.. i'd say they're quite brave, but in a wrong way!

they're brave enough to shoot their brains out or slit their throats or jump off the bridge.. they could of use that trait and turn it into something positive.

well, some just couldn't handle too much and we're never really at their shoes, to begin with.

i had a HUGE problem last year and you know what i did? i binge on alcohol to sorta get by.

in a way, i kinda made it worst.. cos instead of manning-up and face the problem squarely, i went and took comfort of knowing i could forget my problems and feel "high" temporarily..

but i never thought of killing myself then.. even now when my spouse is caught in a gambling frenzy.. yep, that's what she got herself into.

she just loves to play cards..



worst, she's now ten times more of a party girl and outgoing when we're supposed to be more responsible now with the addition of our "instant" little girl, Angel.

i would understand if she'd go out, have fun, stay out late and enjoy a little "me" time once, twice a week.. but man, she's out there more than that.

so, that's why i'm tired of her.

i'm tired of arguing and fighting... it's a waste of time.

but i'm not gonna kill myself over that... or for her, fact of the matter .

i have more reason to live now... more than ever.

***

next week, is the final leg of our little contest.

i don't supposed i'd win it handily.. but i definitely put up a good fight. i'm pretty confident to be in the top three... we'll see..

last week i over-trained. often, on a daily basis.. after doing weights i'd go cardio for over an hour, mostly.



there was one time i felt like i was gonna have a fever.. ya know, i'm on a calorie deficit diet and doing more work, the body can only take so much.. either it super-compensates or do the nasty - get sick!

my legs (calves, hamstrings, quads, etc) are pretty burned out. at times i lost my bearings while walking around.. the treadmill had become my best bud instead of my usual poison.

i haven't drink much.. guess it's possible for me to be sober for weeks.. i don't crave on alcohol anymore.. whilst before, i usually have a stock-pile of that cheap vodka or brandy.. which is really convenient, now my "war room" don't have traces of them empty bottles. hah!

yesterday, i had a funny experience at this massage joint.



i knew they just opened weeks ago and as my hunch would have it, most masseuse/masseur aren't "seasoned" enough to handle guys like me.

so, to make this long ordeal short, went in and requested a "hard" massage which is a standard for me.

the moment this lady laid her hands on me, i knew she isn't in-the-know.

her fingers kept slipping away and she put too much oil.. OK, i got no problem with that.. at the back of my mind, what i really needed at that moment was to have a place to crash coz after yet another bone-smashing-muscle-whacking workout, i could use some forty winks.

anyway, she whispered "that's the hardest i can do, sir, sorry.." so i go, "it's OK."

when it was my back's turn, that's when she had the hardest time i can tell... her sweat is now in the mix of the oil she rubbed my back with.. i can feel her sweat dripping off my back!

then she goes again "this is the first time i've massaged a back as hard as yours!"

even though i'm disappointed that she's inexperienced, i was happy anyhow as i was able to re-charge my batteries just lying there.. "guess you'd ask for a masseur next time around, right sir?" she whispered. "no, i'll request for you again." i jokingly replied.

then came a light bulb flashing up my brains... if i'll tell you, i'll have to kill you!

anyway, long post for the weekend.. tomorrow and the days to come, it's time to grind again.

out.

i want to get away, i want to fly away..

it's new year.. it's the time of the year when people make this horrendous resolution then quit.. like, a month or two after.

i think this year is gonna be a make or break for me.. both personal and professional.

for personal, i would prefer it to break. i want separation. i want freedom. i want her out of my life.

seriously.

why, you think i'm still kidding around?

it's just fair for both of us.

i don't want her, she's gone haywire, fcuk it, LETS GO!

professionally.. hmmmmm..

i thought of quitting this year and still do.

in the meantime, i still haven't found something "golden" to warrant a bail out scheme.. so, since i still have a mountain of debts to pay, a family to feed and mucho yadi-yada that needs spending, it is but practical to stay put. besides, i surmounted quite an obstacle last year.. seem smooth on the get go when this year started.. good sign, aight?

as to the gym front, you probably thought i already quit by now, eh?

no!

i just gotten really better.. stronger.. wiser..

best of all, injury free!

so, 2010, kiss my ass goodbye!!!

2011, ya mine baby!!!

Amy Grant

ey yo?!

Merry Christmas, before anything else...

it's the 24th and i have to say --- whatta stressful day, dammit?!

wifey, made sure of that.

it's the last minute thing ya know... no plans whatsoever... out of the blue, to be exact..

but we pulled it through.. they're there downstairs enjoying their videoke fix.. i'm here watchin' movie yadi yada..

nice set-up, huh?

gotta say whatta colorful year it was... ooooppppsss!!! i know, it ain't new year yet.. lemme just say teh memorable ones... it had to be the tail end of this year... i guess.

professionally, there ain't much.. family-wise, i suck teh most... gym-wise, i gain lotsa things...

i just mentioned a few post ago i pulled and squatted over 400 lbs.. it's hard, yeah.

but the hardest was pushing a 100 lb dumbbell... i had a history of shoulder injury, that's why.

havin' conquered that, finally, means a lot more to me than anything else..

i had to do it over and over again... just to make sure the feat wasn't some kinda fluke, ya know... t'was a battle all the time.. mind over matter..

i'm not totally sold out yet, but just like before when i made it to 80, 90 lbs., this too will come to pass and it'll be ordinary all over again...

120 lbs., you're next.

meanwhile, i'm listening to Amy Grant's song... helps me chill out during these times..

cheers.

i am the walrus

whatta tight and lousy day!

wifey made sure i suck on my workout today. she had me rush to the bank to make some deposits and left me to fend for the house cos her and the rest of her posse had to go party.. on the bright side, they brought home a new microwave oven. at least, they won something.. deym, i almost forgot how that thing work. well, the one we have ain't workin' no more... for months now.

anyway, i took a leave today. i deserve a break, ya know. the thing is, my superior isn't too generous giving leaves.. approving should've been the word.

he always feel the need to swipe some nasty remark.. he probably thinks he's funny.

well, f him. unless they convert the un-use leave into cash or something tangible, i'm availing it (the leaves) even it means they'd shut down their pie-holes!

i'm pretty burnout with work these days. that explains the line.

got a few bumps that would entail a lot of work.

pretty stressful, to be honest.

makes me wanna quit pronto!

i'm just gonna sort this mess out. finish everything..

then i can cry out loud....

F-R-E-E-D-O-M!!!

i'm insecured, yeah. i've got issues, right.

but as soon as i'm out, i'll stop bitching about everyone and everything that's holding me back physically and mentally, then i can soar somewhere higher than this.

this is getting redundant.

pizzing off.

arnold press

am hoping i'm scot free but i ain't.

well, i was hoping the verdict is out... ya know, i wanna get this done and over with.

somehow, some kinda force of nature got in the way... either i'd be thankful or feel guilty forever.. hhmmmmm...

whatta predicament!!

either way, i'm bent on doin' somethin' else... something i really, really want.

don't we all wanna do something we want??

it's like something to look forward to - everyday.

ya know, i don't mind waking up early and eating some iron for breakfast.. i don't mind eating egg whites (boiled), churning out oatmeal after oatmeal or eating raw broccoli's..

i don't mind the pain that goes through my hamstrings or rotator cuffs... as long as i feel some kinda exhilaration.. surreal? yeah!!

i dig it!

one preacher quoted somebody sayin' "life's too short to be ordinary."

yeah... hell yeah!!!


go figure!!