perfect breasts

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100 dollars? "

Are you nuts?", she replies. And keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?" she says.

So the guy runs again around the next block and faces her again: "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for 10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and said, "Hmmm 10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there..."

So they went to that alley and she takes off the blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them.... but not biting.

In the end the woman gets all annoyed and asks: "Are you gonna bite them or what?"

"Nah," he replies. "Costs too much."

...and you thought you had a bad day

The next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to say, she won.

____________________________________________

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit.

This time of year, the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:

We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of crap sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he and five other divers were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Internet Addiction Test (IAT)

How do you know if you're already addicted or rapidly tumbling toward trouble? Everyone's situation is different, and it's not simply a matter of time spent on-line. Some people indicate they are addicted with only twenty hours of Internet use, while others who spent forty hours on-line insist it is not a problem to them. It's more important to measure the damage your Internet use causes in your life. What conflicts have emerged in family, relationships, work, or school?

Let's find out.

This is a simple exercise to help you in two ways:

(1) If you already know or strongly believe you are addicted to the Internet, this guide will assist you in identifying the areas in your life most impacted by your excessive Net use; and

(2) If you're not sure whether you're addicted or not, this will help determine the answer and begin to assess the damage done. Remember when answering, only consider the time you spent on-line for non-academic or non-job related purposes.

clink on the LINK to see if you're addicted.

new MEN's magazine

Why Men are never satisfied?

are they having SEX?

check THIS to find out...

The Bean Head, Find It

I bet you guys more than 1 minute.

Find the Man's Head within 3 seconds - You're a genius!

According to medical experiments:
If you can find the Man's Head within 3 seconds, your right brain is developed better than normal people.
If you can find the Man's Head within 1 minute, your right brain is developed normally.
If you can find the Man's Head within 1-3 mintues, your right brain is slow in reacting, you should eat more meat protein.
If you find the Man's Head in 3 minutes or more, your right brain is a disaster... extremely slow in reacting, the only suggestion is, watch more cartoons to help normally develop your right brain.

Eye Test for Cataracts

This test for Cataracts. I heard it has saved people from having to have eye surgery. You should check yourself at least every other month or so.

Do yourself a favor and take this simple vision test. It's an early test for Cataracts. It is simple to do and it's fun.

Remember, Cataracts know no age boundary; young and old can have this "preventable" eye disease.

When you're finished, send this on to those you care about!!!

EYE TEST

courtesy of my bro, alan

this is true i swear... wifey would take forever to get just one item... why ladies, why???

this is soooo coool, man...

click on the LINK and you'll find out how they did it in the movie, The Matrix.

go ahead, don't be shy!

note: have a little patience with the loading... also, you need to download some kindda japanese language stuff... you'll find out as you go along... enjoy!

Silva delivers a lesson in Muay Thai

The former school teacher got schooled.

Rich Franklin came into UFC 64 having never lost a fight in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. He was unbeaten in nearly three years and widely regarded as not only one of the elite fighters in the UFC, but in MMA in general. Then, Mr. Franklin met Anderson Silva.

Silva gave the middleweight champion a lesson in Muay Thai. The challenger got Franklin in a tight Muay Thai clinch and Franklin either couldn't break free or chose not to. Either way, Franklin had no answer for a fighter who was stronger and technically superior.

Silva came into the bout with a reputation as a deadly striker. Ironically, he didn't land a punch in the fight that influenced the outcome.

Rarely do you see a fight in which a champion is so thoroughly destroyed by his opponent. We saw it Saturday night. So much for the pre-fight conjecture about Silva, 17-4, not deserving a title shot.

• Listen: Silva on winning the title (via translator).

As for what's next for Silva, he jokingly said at the post-fight press conference that he'd like to fight a "clone of himself." That might be the only guy who has a shot against this well-rounded fighter. Based on what we've seen from "The Spider" in two UFC fights thus far, I don't think there's a middleweight in the division right now who would pose a serious threat to the Brazilian.

Silva's easy-going charm outside the octagon belies his ferocity inside it. This guy is scary good. Mike Swick stopped short of calling out Silva at the post-fight presser, but he made it clear that he'd take on Silva now - and, yes, Swick was witness to what Silva did to Franklin

*****

was rooting for rich franklin to win the fight but you know how it is in ufc... there will always be upsets and some shits do happen there all the time...

i.....

love to resign.

tomorrow.... i just might.

i don't feel the excitement anymore.

routine routine routine routine routine routine ....

managers.... they rule!

i don't know but everything sucks right now.

tomorrow.... i just might resign.... again.... or have i?

no, it's irrevocable this time....

***

speaking of resignation, here's a nice LINK about it... go ahead.. check it out!

it's gonna be "joke time" for -- i don't know... forever?

well, i'm into some kind of transition with my work. soon, i'll be sailing uncharted territory.

not that i'm scared but next week, i'll be doing a different kind of job... and so is val. the "one" up there decided to swap our jobs for two months... we'll see who among us will quit over this cos i'm sure it ain't gonna be me. in fact, i would love to take on val's job forever.

though my job don't necessarily suck, it's packed with problems. through the years though, i have learned to suck it up, roll with it and bottle up my emotions with whatever difficulties i encountered along the way.

for my "violations," i was asked to reply to the "know it all" department why i committed such infractions over and over again. and so in my reply was, well, it came out as a sort of dare for them because apparently, they were comparing my work with val's, which i strongly disagree with.

so there. we swap places... for two months? can they make it forever? i don't necessarily like val's job but it's the perks that he gets that i'm itching to get a piece of. i hope val's cut out for my job cos he's gonna be playing a whole new ball game here.

and yeah, i'd love to see whose gonna win/quit in this game you guys up there are playing... bring it on, baby... fire away!


here's your daily dose....

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.

The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.

The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,

"Oh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!"

Laws Applicable To All Human Residents Of Earth!

Some of it, in some weird way happens most of the time.

1. Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

2. Anthony's Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Kovac's Conundrum:

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

4. Cannon's Karmic Law:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

5. O'brien's Variation Law:

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

6. Bell's Theorem:

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

7. Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8. Willoughby's Law:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

9. Zadra's Law of Biomechanics:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10. Breda's Rule:

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

11. Owen's Law:

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Howden's Law:

You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.

13. Gentlemen's Law:

When you see a beautiful girl, either she is married or you are married.

14. Bachelor's Law:

When you get to meet a beatiful girl in the office, either she is taken, dating, or a single mom.

Intelligent....

Teacher asked her student, "Boy. What is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Teacher had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Boy: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Boy: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

The principal looks at Teacher and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."

Teacher says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree.

Teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy, after a moment says, "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Boy: "Pockets"

Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Boy: Shake hands

Teacher : Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that mean s lot of heat and excitement?

Boy: Firetruck

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it u have to use ur hand.

Boy: Fork

Teacher: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy: SURNAME

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?

Boy: HEART

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "This boy is really intelligent, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!!!!

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "Hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

the world never cease to disappoint me....

i don't know...

i'm very emotional right now...

tomorrow i'll forget about tonight...

i'm listening to some oldies.... my dad, he sure love this song...

i'm sad but i'm happy to listen to... The Way You Look Tonight

love you dad....

night y'all!

the iceman

watch out tito, liddell is coming to get ya... again!

Ortiz Retires Shamrock with First Round TKO

10/10/2006

By Thomas Gerbasi
HOLLYWOOD, FL, October 10 – got another minute and five seconds in his third bout with Tito Ortiz, but this time the controversy of their second bout in July was non-existent, as Ortiz once again proved his dominance against the UFC Hall of Famer by knocking him out at 2:23 of the first round at the Seminole Hard Rock Live Arena in what ultimately became the swan song for ‘The World’s Most Dangerous Man’.

“Congratulations to Tito Ortiz,” said a gracious Shamrock. “I wish him and all the people in the UFC the best. Thanks for all the wonderful years.”

And though the 42-year-old Shamrock’s career earned him a spot in the organization’s Hall of Fame, the veteran of the first UFC back in 1993 was never a match for Ortiz, who defeated him via a third round TKO in 2002, and repeated the feat in July in a bout rife with controversy due to a one minute and 18 second stoppage that was deemed too quick by fans and some fight insiders.

Thus fight number three, but again, it was Ortiz who dominated.

Almost immediately, Ortiz drove Shamrock into the fence and tried to impose his will on the 42-year-old. Seconds later, Ortiz secured a takedown and started to open up with forearms in an almost carbon copy of their second bout. And after Ortiz found some space to throw blows with both hands without any response the result was the same as well, and referee John McCarthy was forced to call a stop to the bout at 2:23

And though the bad blood between the two over the years was real, it was nice to see the two embrace in the Octagon after the bout and bury the hatchet in a great sign of class by both fighters.

Shamrock retires with a pro mixed martial arts record of 26-12-2. Ortiz, who improved to 16-4, will next face Chuck Liddell in December in a quest to regain his UFC light heavyweight crown.

tito ortiz' new love....

Jenna Jameson.... awwwww!

in as much as i would love to see schumi win this year's formula 1 championship and see him at the top for his last hurrah....

somewhere along the way, 16 more laps left... he's leading the race when his engine broke down....

that gave alonso the win, broke their tie... and a huge possibilty of bringing home the bacon....

shumi watch helplessly as alonso cruise to the finish line... he's dream of retiring on top in peril... how did it all slip away...

shit happens.

The Final Chapter

this is fun...

Ken Shamrock and Tito Ortiz go at it again for the third time... can't wait!

really?

no offense ladies but would you agree?

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

(Hala sige, pa-ingles-ingles pa mo diha! Hehehehehe!)

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was soooo excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

weird tree

need i say more?

my bro, alan sent me some inspirational message... nice one bro!



no kidding, no messing around, do CLICK HERE for your inspirational message of the day......



Wait for the first 3 candles to go out then watch the 4th candle...











speaking of click, saw the movie, CLICK, last night. it was once again, feel good movie from adam sandler. haven't been to theaters these days... i find it way too expensive... better spend those hard earned moolah on booze...ehehehe



we had a meeting last night with the rest of the bar owners who were unceremoniously evicted, the one's left standing at Mango Square mall (yeah, see those remaining structures in there?)... and, who'd been in the news for the case we filed against the management.

the agenda? well, it's a secret... for now. what i can tell you though, is, we made a few progress. we also had a few rosy "things" going on... we're hopeful and keeping our fingers crossed.

btw, it's earl v's birthday today. thanks for the beer, buddy! hope you will invite us over to your new crib malou's been ranting about and serve us more drinks... yey!!

i'm done.... click.

wonder which part of the world this beautiful mountain can be found... i'm raring to climb it......

all about marriage... and whatever!



There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"



Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.



It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.



Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.



Losing a wife can be hard. In some cases, it's almost impossible.



He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.



How many men does it take to open a beer?

None.

It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.



Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.



Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problems disappear.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you??
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"



Ten Husbands, Still, "Like a Virgin"

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well,

Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

The Lord and the Biker

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied,

"Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

whatever things

been experimenting with colors... it's been pretty easy. except for a few snag, i got what i wanted look(s) for this blog. html's not that hard to understand but you gotta have time...a lot of it... to read, experiment and apply. now, if only i have all the time in the world for this....

well, what i did was, took a few links out and move a few somewhere. remove some eyesores and "tried" to keep it simple.

what i noticed about those blogs up there isn't really much of the "fashion" but the simplicity. of course, there's the content. some, though, has it all... nice graphics, images, movies, music and pretty much sensible in every way. you can feel the zest for life...

so, what is my point? damn, i don't know.... i wish, to be exact.



my friend earl went to our house last sunday and as usual, we had our "videoke sessions." even though our voices (especially mine) would crack even at the slightest increase of the music's pitch, we went ahead anyway, shamelessly.

we sang songs from the 70's to the most recent. when we reach a certain part of the song, we pass the mike to each other in between... we needed a breather... whew! i have to work on my breathing techniques.... wonder how the heck sarah and regine reach those super high notes without losing breath, man??

we capped the night messing around my pc and chat over yahoo messenger 'til we drop.




meanwhile, went to the surplus/repair shop yesterday to check on our mini-van. it's been there since last week for a much needed repair and paint. watching all those vehicles being put together and those that just got painted. wow! they're not even brand new but my eyes were drolling especially at the sight of one subaru mini car. it has the same engine configuration from the one we have but it looks really nice and cute. the car was sold already... some lucky a--hole got it first. a lot of nice vehicles were there and they ain't that pricey. someday, i'm gonna go back there and get me one of those little nice car they have.

anyway, the van should check out fine today and wifey would have a field day driving it around and showing it off..... she does that all the time.... hate it!

nuf said, adios!

The way the World Divided.

i don't think i wanna write anything today.... it's time consuming.

nothing's coming out of my brain anyway. must have been due to my alcohol and nicotine withrawal days, huh?

the only time i get to think about posting anything sensible is when i'm driving; be it on a two-wheeled or a cage. of course, the best time i wanna mess around here is when my bloodstream overflows with alcohol more than my leukocytes. other than that, it would be any other day like today. boring.

anyway, just "migrated" this blog to beta blogger. it's almost the same but with a few refinement (haven't tinker with the whole thing just yet). i think this one's a lot better. try it!



so we've met again. i mean, that girl i told you before, we've met again. well, she never ceases to amaze me (us actually). at 23, ladies and gentlemen, the lady is a pimp. that's right, your vision was correct when you read, "pimp." so, i was right all along about my impression on her. get this, her "units" are coed's. yeah, that's right... college girls still wearing their uniforms when they're about to be pick-up. and, the cost of goods er, service -- whatever, you ask? between 2 to 5k. no wonder she likes hanging-out in those high-end bars.... to sell her "wares."



lately, there's not much action going on in my daily routine. actually, there is but ain't worth mentioning here at all. my routine has been work-home-work. to be honest, i like it this way. after all the times we've spent before in you know where, i really could use a breather.... from alcohol and nicotine, that is. i've been reading a few stuff, learning new skills and spending more time with the family... very ideal set-up, isn't it? let's just say i like it this way at the moment and i wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world... (ow c'mon... too cheesy!)



my best friend, earl, texted me the other day. his work application abroad finally, after nth times of trying, had been given the green light. i'm excited for him but at the same time, sad. see, no matter how many friends i may have today, this guy, without a doubt, is the best of 'em all. simply put, nothing compares to this guy.

we've been through thick and thin since the time when underwear was passé.... i hope he makes it BIG out there and come home filthy rich.


[to be continued]

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization:

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

Then I noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?" "Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

ANGER MANAGEMENT

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot. The idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, It is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my Speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea....

I called Asshole #1. "Hello." "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my Black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole #2. Hello?" he said. "Hello, asshole," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34thStreet.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. You know, this anger management stuff really works...........................................

it's 1am.

i'm having trouble sleeping.

i don't know why.

but i'm getting there.

don't we all love mondays?

peace and good morning y'all!

092406

matt hughes wins!

if you've been an mma (mix martial arts) fan, watch the ultimate fighter over axn (mondays @8pm), dig ultimate fighting championship (replays) every tuesday nights, had been reading paul taneo's columns at Sun.Star (whatever happened to him), and been to URCC (Universal Reality Combat Championship) tournament fights held at cebu coliseum (usually), chances are you know matt hughes.

anyway, i was rooting for him to win the fight over bj penn. bj's good but he's too cocky and forward.

today is a good day, isn't it?

i love this sign

Ever wonder what Women's faces look like during climax? WIRED Magazine did an article about the up and coming "Science of Sex." Definitely a fun read and the picture..... well, PRICELESS!

side track

last night's experience was surreal. i didn't (me and somebody who came out of nowhere... in short, secret) expected that such angelic face, silky smooth skin and, an hourglass figure was some wild lady!

now, i'm not the kind who jumps to conclusion but, vibrators, boyfriends, x-rated dvd's, constant clubbing and bar hopping, giving cell phone number to strangers, almost became a sexy star, hanging out with who's who in makati, one night stand, having a baby at 18, ... ewww, the list could go on... are you for real, lady??

man, dude, bud, for the many years of my existence in this planet called earth, i haven't met somebody of her caliber. finally, i have. not that i don't want to but i was having a bit of culture shock. if there's more extreme than being "liberated," that's her.

i'd say she's pretty much a loose woman. at 23, her level of sophistication is immense.

she's got hots for my friend. she looks at him with those sticky eyes... it's like she can't wait to devour him. dude, she kissed him in front of everybody! picture this, the place is packed like we're just half a meter away from the other tables and, perhaps not satisfied with her -- smooching my friend, she made me kiss her cheeks! shoot, what the hell is going on here??!

what an awkward night it was. anyway, i enjoyed it a bit.



i felt sad and relieved mat is gone. although he's been performing well the last few months, the thought of having him spruced up, repainted and reconditioned didn't sit well with our tight budget. our crib, though on the finishing stages --- we're still spending a lot.

besides, i rarely use the car -- for a whole lot of good reason (if you've been reading my previous post about mat).

so, when a buyer came in last sunday, and bought it 50% off the price when i first bought it (not to mention, i spend a huge amount of money trying to restore it), "SOLD!!" was my immediate reply.

well, i hope they'd take care of mat. for so many times i drove that car, i have learned to bottle up my emotions whenever it bugs down on me and just call Wheelers Towing Services to take care of him. it taught me a good lesson with the subject: patience101. once in a while(or should i say, more often than not), mat refreshes me about the subject.

bye mat, i hope you're good wherever you are and please, please, pretty please, DON'T COME BACK NO MORE YOU PIECE OF CRAP!!! got that?

kidding.


btw, here's a last look at mateo....


meanwhile, i'm not supposed to be writing tonight but the urge finally came, especially with what happened last night.

over and out.

i'm burned out as of the moment.

i'd like to be quiet....

later.

i wanna write something but i'm beery sleepy and the inspiration hasn't strike me yet.

Zzzzzzzz.....

episode 01

so we had a terrorist bomb er, lpg blast yesterday, huh? was driving my way to work and was surprised to see at least three ambulances plowing thru traffic. two made it to the opposite lane but the other went headsmack my lane! geez, who could have needed all that ambulance, i thought.

later, louie texted me. he's in mango, "the battleground" of the hard ball tenants... sipping some coffe and smoke some shit... he took an "emergency leave" cos apparently, he was near the site where the blast happened.

good excuse my man! after all, you're pretty tired with your job, right?

anyway, let's just say we had a temporary victory yesterday with all this legal thingy. we're hopefull we'd get what we deserve... fingers crossed.



meanwhile, last saturday i had a flirty chat session with a lady over yahoo messenger. for over a year, i haven't had the chance to use it and since we don't have a bar to hang out 'til dawn as of the moment, i got stuck chatting and pissing people off over there at "Cebu Tambayan" room.

it is supposed to be lorded over by "bisrocks" people but apparently, spammers, korean, indian and some horny guys/gays from hell were the one's yakking there. and, since i really don't have plans nor interest (for that night, maybe) to be cordial, went on taunting whomever's got the ball to say anything... especially those darn spammers..

one had a ball actually and did react to my constant jeering but he's (i presume) no spammer but some foreign guy who flaunt his sooo bad english, as in. he murdered the english bloody language, bloke!

i thought he was some korean (excuse me guys but some of you are pain in the ass in our country!). after a few more while and more exchanges of fiery words, i finally figured it out. he is from india. why? his name gave him away. and so, i hit 'em where it hurt... nah, not worth mentioning but we do have a few indians here who make our penniless brethren's life harder... you get the drift?

busted that he is, he went out of the room. i guess i'm pretty successful with my nastiness, huh.

then somebody asked, "naay tiga cebu diri?" then i blurted, "ako!" then he pm me and asked my "asl...." if you know what that means... if you don't, where have been all this time? but you can always ask....

meanwhile, had to cut this short... there's an "emergency meeting" somewhere....

[to be continued]

looks like our bar is gonna be demolished real soon... too bad, we're starting to really love it there but the "moralist" among us wouldn't let us be... we didn't have any "plan B" whatsoever cos we never anticipated nor did it ever crossed our minds that it's going to end up this way.

sarsy's at the forefront of this battle we're raging but having witnessed and heard all that legal chats we've been having (like daily er, i mean, nightly) with the other tenants; kind of drain me a bit... i'm afraid, instead of cutting our losses and moving on, we might be consumed with this battle --- only God knows how we're gonna pull this off.

of course, i'm keeping my hopes up but it's not like we have all the resources to go on with this forever. and slowly, the other tenants who were with us before are backing off and just accept whatever "favorable" compensation is being offered to them... just to tide things over rather than wait 'til eternity, i supposed.

those management guys are creeping on each and everyone of us, tardily...

i like how paul walker expressed his worry in the movie, "2 fast 2 furious" when he said (in a paraphrase), "we're gonna have to pull some monkey off our asses to win this race..." yeah, that's what i thought when this shit came out...

we're up against some wall here and i don't think luym's just gonna bend over with tails between their legs and say, "name your price, pricks?"

suffice to say, it'll be too damn easy.

so, inhabitants of earth, there goes my tittle-tattle for the day...

Quadruple Amputee joke

A man is walking along a beach, when he walks past a young woman lying on a blanket, crying. The girl's face and figure are quite attractive, but she has no arms or legs. The man walks over and asks, "Excuse me, miss, why are you crying? Can I help you with something?"

The girl looks up at him and says, "I'm twenty-five years old, and I've never been kissed! Would you please kiss me, like a man kisses a woman?"

The man leans over her, and they kiss for several minutes, which she seems to appreciate. She thanks him, and he gets up and starts walking away. But then he hears her behind him, crying even louder than before. Being a nice guy, he goes back and asks, "What's wrong now? You've been kissed. Aren't you happy?"

"Yes, I'm happy that you kissed me," she says, "but I'm twenty-five years old, and no one's ever played with my breasts or my pussy."

So, once again, he obliges, and helps her out of her bathing suit, and lies down beside her. He plays with her for a while, which both of them enjoy. Then he helps her back into her bathing suit, and heads off again. Only to be brought back by her sobs, which are now louder than ever.

"What now?" he asks. "I've kissed you, I've played with you, I've told you how beautiful you are. Aren't you happy?"

"Yes," she says, "I'm happy for all that, but I'm twenty-five years old, and I've never been fucked."

So he leans over, lifts her in his arms, walks down to the water's edge, throws her out as far as he can into the waves, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED NOW!!!"


****

excuse this raunchy joke but i thought this was funny... anyway, i'm caught with the "lazy" virus to write anything... must have been the rain and the cold weather... hooohuuum.... *yawn*

'til then... out for now.

joke...

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely, so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for taxi. I grabbed a card on my way in.

It was an ad for a girl calling herself Ivy, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up... you know the kind.

So I'm in my room and figure, "What the heck, I'll give her a call."

"Hello?" the woman says.

Wow! She sounded sexy.

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want, baby! Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic.... but for an outside line, Sir, you need to dial 9."

yey! got my pc back together!!!

replace all the components today... put back all the drives, cards and rewired the whole thing... whew! you should listen to it cos now it's really, really quite... and cool.

got a huge smile in my face tonight... felt so good to know that i still have some "mojo" when it comes to computers... awwww yeah!!

i'm listening to hale's feel good song, blue sky... try it, it's nice.

sweet dreams y' all...

beach roots and sarsy

i feel sad for sarsy.

beach roots was his "baby." in fact, it's almost a wonder if his butt won't show up every single night at b.r. every detail of every corner of that kiosk, he knows it. he did a lot of the carpentry and painting. he, more than the rest of us, made it happened.

because of him, i had a refresher course with initiative. when we started this joint, he took it upon himself to do the extra mile. he would wipe the tables, chairs, the bar, the appliances. he'd wash dishes in a flicker, serve foods and drinks in a blink and if only he can do it all, he would, without a doubt.

sensitive that i am, i try to follow his lead. i know i can't level with him especially on his carpentry skills, so i do the things i'm capable of. man, those were the days...

so many times he would sacrifice his time for his family and work just to get things going there seamlessly. i can see how passionate he is for this "baby" of his, firstly, then ours...

and now, it's gone...

so, last thursday dawn, the big guy that he is, when he brokedown and cried, wept and wailed his heart out, i would have wanted to be there for him. as a friend, a partner... a bro.... i would never have had any doubt i would weep with him with the death of our "baby."

to remember the days when we started this out... the planning, the bickering, controversy, the fits among ourselves, the sweat, the cuts and the pains, the trials, the friendship... man, i can go on and on forever with the memories... they're all bittersweet.

all of these things that are happening to us hasn't sink in yet for me... i guess it happened too fast...

soon it will.

for now, let me wallow in sorrow... not really for me but for a person who showed a lot of energy when everbody seem down, tired and busy, who kept the faith when our odds are low, who walk the talk, who took the lead unflaggingly, showed me genuine friendship and made me, in so many ways, a better person.

cio, in my book, you're the MAN.