if you dig drama... this is where not to look

i'm really, really tired of this crap.

i'd love to take this blog out of circulation. what's the point exposing one's self to the whole wide world?? be famous? maybe share all that dramas in your life... and then maybe, just maybe, some giant network picks your story... hey girl, that's pretty convenient!

maybe bloggers are like artist. they wanna express themselves by well, posting their mystic thoughts, ideas and works about the universe and beyond. nah!

whatever that is, i'd like to know why.

to be perfectly honestly, i'd like to level with you guys and gals (whomever, whatever) but i guess, you're a little far out. either way, i like the way you think.

i'm a little cranky today.

i'm hoping, after i'm done with this nonsense, i'd feel better.

oh yeah, blogging is suppose to be therapeutic.

my hangover's starting to subside... is that a good sign?

and another - 'oh yeah!!' there are excellent blogs out there that tackles a lot of subjects, such as cooking, how to's, latest technology/gadgets, politics, computers... to sex, drunks, ek-eks, etcetera, etcetera....

i read 'em. in fact, i waste a lot of time browsing thru these blogs.

lately, i've been doing a lot of reading (pa 'as if' ba). absorbing whatever relevant information i bump into. after eons of dullness, i finally am able to comprehend a lot of things with ease.

i still have a lot of bad days, though. unable to get a grip of whatever's being said or taught.

and i mean, a lot.

the reason?

well, here's the drama part of this episode... you might wanna get your napkins ready... kidding.

growing up, mother (may her soul rest in peace), geared us, me in particular, with loads of exhibiting faults and errors... as in and i mean, really bad.

i was a little disobedient and naughty among the siblings but, that don't justify the enormous amount of whippings and the beatings i get even for the tiny, little misdeeds i have committed.

so, learning for me in school -- the hardest. especially, when i had to nurse a bruise body and a bleeding self esteem. notwithstanding, along with my heavy backpack, is a heavy heart i had to carry with me in school.

in addition, it didn't help that we, the children of the sun (anak sa singot - no need to argue), were sent to a public school where a lot of baloneys are done outside rather than in the classroom.

worst, daddy had to die too soon. i was only 13.

that, to us, was the hardest part in our growing-up stage - having no father.

i'd like to believe that i'm in a better place now... i do.

my momma, she redeemed herself in the latter part of her life... she cooked us great foods, took care of the house, showed us love (me in particular), gave us moral support (and money too!).

9 years had passed and i still miss mother a lot. i dreamed of her still alive, walking around, yelling to me (in a good way), do some delicious cooking, squeaky clean the bathroom (her favorite fortress, by the way), over there in our old apartment(s).

but, the ghost of the past will forever haunt me...

this ends our drama session.

sigh, i feel better now...