nothing.

she's just soooooo HOT!

that's all.

pushing tin

i can't really talk about how my personal life is in quandary.. it feels like a losing battle anyway, so why prevent the inevitable?

whatever happens, i'm ready. it is what it is and i'm not gonna go out of my way to mend whatever some people messed up.

i can't even begin to tell ya how relieve i'm gonna be if we'd part ways.. SOON.

anyway, i splurge some of my winnings on massage.. like, i got three massages in two days, how's that?!

all that cardio, boy did i deserve them massages, yeah! one was pretty kinky and you wouldn't wanna go there.. ha ha!

i am noticeably slimming down these days. my slacks, pants, panties, err, i mean boxers are getting loser. my fats are like iceberg, they're slowly but surely melting away! my officemates now asks for my advice as to how to go about their diet and exercise... fellas, i invented a magic pill and it's gonna cost you a fortune!

maybe for shiz and giggles, i'd post my "after" body like in a month or two.. i'd be damn proud of what i've accomplished.

the pain, well, they are here to stay. my calves, quads, spine, etc. are definitely aching.. i hope they'd go away soon. i'm trying out the other cardio machines there like the elliptical and it's quite tiring.. same with the stationary bike. i hope to get the hang of it so it'd me more fun to do.

my iPhone had been my "savior" when i'm there during interval sprints. it takes my mind off the time and before i know it, i almost did over an hour of intervals.

while most guys are busy updating their facebook status or twitter, i'm making headways doing some serious movie conversion... i need 'em more during down time than sayin' "off to the bathroom to take a dump, brb!" or "christina just updated her whatchamacallit status."

good thing i deactivated my facebook, erased my friendster, didn't bother with twitter or burn my fingers chatting non-sense.. worst, some of these folks are so engrossed with those online games like farming or poker, etc., they sleep in the wee hours of the morning and they'd end up like zombies at work.

it's better here. i go when i feel like it and i don't have to know whose into what, what's into this and why i even bother with your life?!? my life's complicated enough to know what's up with others. ZZzzzttt!

anyway, nuf rant and off to the gym to break s'more records.. hah!

ain't it fun

the journey continues...

last year i thought of going through this whole dieting thing and spoke about it here.. but i didn't walk the talk.

this year, i felt i needed to prove to myself that i can still turn things around if i wanted to. ya know, i've been comfortable resting in my laurels.. happy with how a beast i'd become in the gym. easily, i'm the strongest mofo there.

what i noticed though is that however strong i got, i'm easily out of breath whenever i climb some stairs. even just walking around the mall i'm easily exhausted.

today, i feel lighter. yet, i haven't stop being strong. of course, my numbers are a tad lower than when i was eating like a monster. but, i'm happy.

last week, i collected my winnings.. crazy how a lot of my officemates (even my boss) wanted some treat. dude, it's more expensive eating this way than when i was eating anywhere to my heart's content, tell ya that.

in fact, i spent more than what i've won!

oh, the irony.

it was Valentine's Day when i weighed in so next month around the same day, i'd like to know how much i've lost again.. this isn't some yo-yo diet wherein i go lose today, gain some again days later.. no!

i'm well aware of that rebound thing when you lose so much in a short span of time you'd balloned again all of a sudden.. so i gotta be consistent. if i cheat one meal or one whole day, i'd get back on track right away.

i haven't been more motivated to do some serious shiz in my life than this year.. with the help of the Almighty, i plan on stepping everything up this year and make this one count.. coz i've been dormant since forever.. hah!

so, Good Morning!

well, well, well..

looks like i... smoked everyone out!!

ha!

who'd have thought, huh?

all indication points to me winning the first price.. actually, i can feel it in my guts churning out since i got serious - i'm gonna win this.

it's been a month and seven days.

239.5 pounds was my before weight and yesterday i was 222 point something.. pounds!

that's a whopping 17 pounds lost!!

earlier, i weighed in again and i was 218!

dayum!

tomorrow, i'd probably lose s'more..

so yeah, i finally figured it out.

proper nutrition (in my case, steamed fillet chicken breast and sweet potato) and loads and loads of cardio.. the kind that could kill ya.. haha!

and it's worth mentioning your mindset - you should be at the right page when you're doing this kinda thing.

focus and a boatload of determination.. no whining, moaning.. the works..

still have a long a way to go and if they wanna go for another round, count me in!

in the meantime, it's time to celebrate and eat all i can!!!

yeah, the ones i mentioned above, of course.. still got 30-40 pounds to go!

cheers!

suicide trend

it's kinda creepy how a number of people had been killing themselves lately.. alarming, to say the least!

the past few weeks, there'd been like a LOT. one killed himself in front of his girlfriend, another took a dive a from the bridge (but lived anyway), a guy stabs his live-in partner before he went to try to kill himself.. both of which he failed miserably to do it all the way.. to top it all, a former defense secretary and armed forces chief of staff shoot himself right on his heart.. cos he can't take the "heat" anymore?!?

and there's plenty of the same i've read or heard that i've lost count of.

some says this folks are pussies.. cos they can't stand the pressure.. i'd say they're quite brave, but in a wrong way!

they're brave enough to shoot their brains out or slit their throats or jump off the bridge.. they could of use that trait and turn it into something positive.

well, some just couldn't handle too much and we're never really at their shoes, to begin with.

i had a HUGE problem last year and you know what i did? i binge on alcohol to sorta get by.

in a way, i kinda made it worst.. cos instead of manning-up and face the problem squarely, i went and took comfort of knowing i could forget my problems and feel "high" temporarily..

but i never thought of killing myself then.. even now when my spouse is caught in a gambling frenzy.. yep, that's what she got herself into.

she just loves to play cards..



worst, she's now ten times more of a party girl and outgoing when we're supposed to be more responsible now with the addition of our "instant" little girl, Angel.

i would understand if she'd go out, have fun, stay out late and enjoy a little "me" time once, twice a week.. but man, she's out there more than that.

so, that's why i'm tired of her.

i'm tired of arguing and fighting... it's a waste of time.

but i'm not gonna kill myself over that... or for her, fact of the matter .

i have more reason to live now... more than ever.

***

next week, is the final leg of our little contest.

i don't supposed i'd win it handily.. but i definitely put up a good fight. i'm pretty confident to be in the top three... we'll see..

last week i over-trained. often, on a daily basis.. after doing weights i'd go cardio for over an hour, mostly.



there was one time i felt like i was gonna have a fever.. ya know, i'm on a calorie deficit diet and doing more work, the body can only take so much.. either it super-compensates or do the nasty - get sick!

my legs (calves, hamstrings, quads, etc) are pretty burned out. at times i lost my bearings while walking around.. the treadmill had become my best bud instead of my usual poison.

i haven't drink much.. guess it's possible for me to be sober for weeks.. i don't crave on alcohol anymore.. whilst before, i usually have a stock-pile of that cheap vodka or brandy.. which is really convenient, now my "war room" don't have traces of them empty bottles. hah!

yesterday, i had a funny experience at this massage joint.



i knew they just opened weeks ago and as my hunch would have it, most masseuse/masseur aren't "seasoned" enough to handle guys like me.

so, to make this long ordeal short, went in and requested a "hard" massage which is a standard for me.

the moment this lady laid her hands on me, i knew she isn't in-the-know.

her fingers kept slipping away and she put too much oil.. OK, i got no problem with that.. at the back of my mind, what i really needed at that moment was to have a place to crash coz after yet another bone-smashing-muscle-whacking workout, i could use some forty winks.

anyway, she whispered "that's the hardest i can do, sir, sorry.." so i go, "it's OK."

when it was my back's turn, that's when she had the hardest time i can tell... her sweat is now in the mix of the oil she rubbed my back with.. i can feel her sweat dripping off my back!

then she goes again "this is the first time i've massaged a back as hard as yours!"

even though i'm disappointed that she's inexperienced, i was happy anyhow as i was able to re-charge my batteries just lying there.. "guess you'd ask for a masseur next time around, right sir?" she whispered. "no, i'll request for you again." i jokingly replied.

then came a light bulb flashing up my brains... if i'll tell you, i'll have to kill you!

anyway, long post for the weekend.. tomorrow and the days to come, it's time to grind again.

out.

cardio bunny!

i have become one.

been doin' an hour of cardio post workout. it's a combo of HIIT and steady state.

boy, it's exhausting!

eyes on the price baby!!

the rundown.. we're 11 contestants and we weigh-in roughly 3 weeks ago.

guess whose the heaviest??

me.



at almost 240 pounds (that's a shitload of fat and of course, densed muscles all over), i easily top 'em all.

right now i'm probably sitting around 210-215 lbs.

so really, this contest could not have come at a better time.. i was gonna lost 'em fat anyway for the summer and winning or collecting the pot money, icing on the cake, baby!

of course, i am being forward.

but i did put a lot of work into this so i'm pretty confident.

target would be 170 pounds and let it fluctuate between 180.. that's it.

i'm not gonna go over 200 ever again.

cos i'm not getting any younger!!

and i'll probably have more girls by then... haha!

i couldn't wait to step on the threadmill and kill s'more cardio!

burn baby.. burn!

it's ON.

well, that contest i told you about.

having less than the usual carbs i had, it's dizzying to say the least.. it's harder to think straight.

this is the walking the talk part. fun and game is over.

focus.

yeah, yeah.

i can't wait to tell you how much sacrifice, sweat, blood and guts i put up with to win this contest, yadi yada!!

but yeah, it's quite a journey, tell you that.



the tasteless crappy food i have to shove into my mouth, crazy.

win or lose, i'd still feel like a winner when this is over in a week or two time.

even then, i'm still gonna press on 'til it's summer time.. i wanna come down to where i can or until such time i plateau.

as Gordon Ramsay would often say after every Kitchen Nightmare's ending, "DON'T STOP!"

you bet i won't.