Where Has The Love Gone?

(today's supposed to be "no internet day".... got to fight the urge.... even though i'm busier than a one-legged man in an ass kickin contest, i'm gonna be dull as dishwater without it... done with work, anyway. i came across this kewl essay from Arun Sobti.... read on....)

“Marriages are made in heaven,” so they say, but surely they are broken on earth and how! The ever-increasing number of broken marriages and divorces that are occurring all around us certainly do not give credence to the opening statement, for if indeed something is made in heaven, it cannot be so fragile, flimsy and temporary. Are those marriages that flounder really made in heaven? Why is it that two people in love, having got married after braving all odds and adversities, find it so difficult to continue their relationship and end up at the altar of divorce?

At the very outset we must realize that no two people are completely alike and that everyone has a background that is completely unique. The basic nature and upbringing of an individual shapes the person’s outlook and attitude.

When two people meet, fall in love and get married, the initial period of living together is engulfed by a cloud of infatuation, physical attraction and the novelty of this particular phase of life. Gradually the veil of euphoria disappears and both the partners begin to show their true colors. Innumerable problems start, based mostly on ego clashes of the two individuals. They overlook the fact that they should not consider themselves to be two separate individuals but a team that has to traverse the journey of life together, appreciating each other’s shortcomings and trying to make up for the same.

Very often it has been seen that people fall apart on the flimsiest of grounds and by the time they realize their follies, it is already too late. The marriage has hit the rocks and both the partners have gone their own way whereas a little introspection at the right stage might have saved the wedlock.

Another important reason for the breakup of marriages is professional rivalry. With the advent of higher education being pursued by both the sexes at an equal pace, the subsequent professional competence being acquired by both, and in a bid to be the best in this competitive world, respect for each other in a marriage is thrown to the winds. Obviously, when both partners start devoting their maximum time and energy to “conquering the world,” the home front has to suffer. The seeds of discord start brewing and one thing leads to another with the result that both land up in court seeking a divorce. If only one of them had made a few sacrifices and complemented the other’s shortcomings, things would not have come to such a passé. However, this does not normally happen as most males have this chauvinistic approach and attitude and as such they feel that they are not expected to bow down in any situation.

On the other hand, the present day females are also ‘liberated’ and do not accept male dominance which makes them unwilling to sacrifice their lifestyles or careers. There lies the crux of the problem.

Sometimes, family environment and unnecessary interference from the immediate members of the family also act as a catalyst to worsen the situation. The mother-in-law syndrome could also come into play and if not tackled adeptly, can lead to disastrous consequences.

Infidelity on the part of either or both partners is also a likely cause for upsetting a marriage. Innumerable marriages have broken up even on the premises of unrealistic doubts about each other.

Lastly, the problem of separation gets accentuated when there are children involved who have to suffer due to no fault of theirs. Would it not be prudent on the part of the parents to stop and consider the ill effects on the children, before taking a plunge in the deep sea of divorce?